


Long Way Home

by ThatEsqCrush



Series: Long Way Home [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Character Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Office Romance, Pregnant Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25081975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatEsqCrush/pseuds/ThatEsqCrush
Summary: AU The Good Wife x The Good Wife - for background - for those who didn’t watch, all you need to know really is that the amazing Josh Charles played Will Gardner on the Good Wife and he was killed off in season 5 (WAH!) He was a name partner at Lockhart Gardner, and the show was set in Chicago.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You, Will Gardner/Reader, Will Gardner/You
Series: Long Way Home [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816528
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

You sighed, taking in the empty apartment before you. It seemed so different empty.

“Mrs. Gardner? Anything else?” the burly mover asked interrupting your thoughts. You looked at him blankly before shaking your head, back into reality. “Ms. Y/L/N,” you corrected gently.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the mover apologized, taking note of your ring-less left hand. “Must’ve been a jerk.”

You hummed again, neither agreeing or disagreeing with him before turning to face the empty apartment once more. A breeze entered through the sole window that was open and you shivered. The necklace with your deceased husband’s wedding band felt heavy and you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You dug into your jeans and pulled out the key to the apartment you shared with your husband - correction - dead husband- ‘was there a term for that?’ you wondered. You placed the key on the breakfast bar and shut the door.

“Goodbye Chicago,” you whispered. “Goodbye Will.”

****

About three and a half hours later, you were thrust back into the hum-drum that was JFK International Airport in Jamaica, Queens. ‘Home,’ you thought. Well, it had been for a long time until you decided to go to Northwestern University for undergraduate studies. You settled in Chicago after graduation, working at various agencies before getting your JD at Pritzker. It was after you received your degree that you started at Reddick, Boseman, & Kolstad before meeting the charming Will Gardner while being deposed as opposing counsel on a case you were investigating. Five years later, you two were happily married - both unaware of the tragedy that would befall just months later.

After grabbing your bag from the carousel, you decided to take the commuter rail to the subway, cutting your trip to Manhattan proper by an hour. Observing the outside world passing you from your seat, you felt very much like a tourist rather than a native. Chicago, like New York City, was very much an active city - but the vibe was very much different.

Hopping on the subway headed downtown, you wondered if anything would change. Your heart was heavy, and you recalled the events that occurred just two months prior.

*****

You furrowed your brow at the phone call coming through. It was Diane Lockhart, the co-managing partner of your husband’s firm.

You hit decline surreptitiously as you were in a meeting. The phone buzzed again and again, you saw Diane’s name. You hit decline again, trying to focus your attention back to your meeting. A few minutes later, you saw your assistant through the glass partition and you sighed. You motioned her to come in and you could see she was visibly upset.

“Y/F/N - Diane Lockhart is on the phone.”

“I can’t,” you began but your assistant shook her head.

“You need to take this call. It’s about Will.”

Excusing yourself, you took the call. You felt the floor give way and your wails filled the office.

*****

Blinking back the tears that brimmed your eyes, you focused back to the present. The subway lurched to a stop, and you realized you were at your stop. You bounded up the stairs back to the city before you and headed towards your new apartment on Broome Street.

Your phone buzzed and it was your sister-in-law - former, sister-in-law, you corrected yourself.

[Audrey, 3:44 PM: Landed safely?]

[Y/N, 3:46 PM: Yes. At new place]

[Audrey, 3:47 PM: Okay. Let’s talk soon. I miss you.]

You began to reply, when another text popped up.

[Audrey, 3:48 PM: Did you change your name on Facebook?!]

You groaned, feeling your head begin to pound. Instead of finishing your text, you deleted it and shoved your phone back into your bag.

After meeting with the building owner and getting a tour of your new apartment and its amenities, you decided to head back outside in search of food.

As you continued to walk, you heard the voices of children shrieking and laughing. Seeing that you were at a park, you entered, looking for a change in scenery while you continued hunting for food. You watched some children swing, while others ran around the elaborate jungle gym.

You leaned back against the chain link fence, wistfully watching the pure innocence in front of you.

“Ow! Ow!” A small boy began to wail, and instinctively you rushed over.

“Are you okay?” You questioned kneeling down, giving him a quick once over. “Where are you hurt?”

“My knee,” the boy sobbed. You looked at his knee that had a surface scratch and a goose egg developing.

“You’re okay,” you consoled him. “Just a small scratch. Are you alone? What’s your name?”

Just at that moment, a man clad in a suit jogged up to the two of you. “Noah! Are you okay?”

You looked up at the man in the suit. You stood and threw your hands up, automatically in defense. “Uh, your son fell. He’s okay.”

“Rafa’s not my dad. He’s my uncle,” Noah replied looking up at you with a toothy grin. “I’m fine,” he continued, forgetting about his injured knee. “Can I go back to playing?”

“Oh,” you replied. “Well, I think you gave your uncle quite a scare.”

“He did,” Rafael sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose. “Five more minutes Noah - ten cuidado!”

“I’ll let you get back to him,” you trailed, hitching your purse back onto your shoulder.

“Rafael Barba.”

“I’m sorry?” You replied, facing Rafael.

“My name. Rafael Barba.”

You gave him a small smile and rocked on your heels. “Y/F/N, Y/L/N. Nice to meet you.”

You watched Noah climb the monkey bars with ease. “Sweet kid you’ve got there.”

Rafael smiled. “Thanks. He had a tough start.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you replied, shoving your hands into your pockets.

A quietness fell over the two of you as you watched Noah. You reached for your cellphone again, and your keys clattered on the ground. Rafael picked them up and handed them to you, but not before running his thumb on the keyfob from Lockhart-Gardner.

“Lockhart-Gardner,” he murmured. “Great firm. A shame what happened to that lawyer.”

Your breath hitched. It hadn’t dawned on you that news of the shooting would make it all the way to the east coast. “Uh, yeah,” you replied quietly.

“Are you a lawyer?” Rafael inquired.

“In-house investigator,” you replied. “Or was,” you corrected. “Know anyone hiring?” You continued half joking.

“Actually,” Rafael replied, “I am.”

“Come again?” You asked. “You’re hiring an investigator?”

Rafael fished out his business card and handed it to you. “I am an Assistant District Attorney. I work with the Special Victims Unit, and I am in need of a new legal investigator. Call my office and speak with Carmen, my paralegal.”

“Thanks, will do,” you replied, placing his card in your purse back with your keys. “I better get going.”

Rafael smiled at you and you began to pivot, but you turned back around. “Sorry, do you know a good place to eat around here?”

Rafael’s brows furrowed. “Anything in particular?”

“Anything,” you replied.

“There’s a great sandwich shop two blocks over. Chipilo. Get the Italian sub.”

You nodded. “Thanks again.” You gave him a small wave. “Have a great day.”

Rafael nodded. As you walked away, you heard him call out. “I look forward to hearing from you.”

You looked behind you and gave another small wave before continuing on your way.


	2. Chapter 2

You returned to your apartment with an Italian sandwich and a large soda. You reached into your purse and pulled out the card Barba had given you.

Rafael Barba

Assistant District Attorney

Manhattan County District Attorney’s Office

1 Hogan Place, New York, NY 10013

Tel: 212-335-9000 x110

Email: DABarba@manhattanda.org

You opened your sandwich and took a bite as you looked over the card. ‘Pretty good,’ you thought of the sandwich. You took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. You did need work; you couldn’t live off life insurance money forever - Will did leave you comfortable financially but you knew deep down wasting away was something he wouldn’t have wanted.

You wiped your face with a napkin and pulled out your laptop. You turned to face the pewter urn next to you. “I should do this right? Right.”

Quickly you googled Rafael and started to go through the results. Bronx native, Harvard Law, worked in the DA’s office for well over a decade. Took on lots of complex cases another lawyer would not have touched - and won.

You looked at the business card and picked it up, twiddling it between your fingers. You took another gulp of soda. You decided you would call in the morning.

The next morning you spoke with a woman named Carmen and you arranged to meet with Rafael.

****

The rest of the week was spent unpacking the boxes that came from Chicago.

You hung on the wall, the last picture of you and Will before his death: the two of you smiling at a Cubs-Yankees game. Pictures of friends went up next, followed by random tchotchkes you had collected over the years.

You relocated Will’s urn to the mantle. A lot of people gave you a hard time for cremation, but you countered with that you didn’t want to have to go out of the way to visit him. You wanted to keep him close by.

You poured yourself a glass of wine and entered your bedroom. You put on your pajamas - Will’s old, faded Georgetown shirt and a pair of sweatpants. You inhaled the shirt once on; your heart dropped knowing the scent of its original owner was fading.

Your phone buzzed and you saw you had an email.

From: DABarba@manhattanda.org

To: YLN.YFN@gmail.com

10:25PM

Dear YFN,

I look forward to meeting with you on Friday at 10am.

Rafael Barba

Manhattan Assistant District Attorney

You stared at the email. Subconsciously you chewed on your bottom lip, a knot flipping in your stomach. You knew this was a good lateral move but still, you were nervous.

Setting down the glass on the nightstand, you turned the sheets down and hopped into bed. You took a deep breath and took a good look around your surroundings. Your eyes settled on the empty spot next to you.

As your eyes filled with tears, you decided you did not want to think anymore for the night, and tried to convince yourself you’d be alright. You swallowed the rest of your wine in a single gulp and turned off the light.

****

The next morning you shifted nervously in your seat as Rafael perused your resume. He sat reclined in his chair, his legs crossed up on his desk. Suddenly he sat forward, his legs swinging back under his desk. You shifted once more, subconsciously running your hands over your clothes to straighten them out.

“Impressive resume,” Rafael commented, with a smirk.

“Thank you, Mr. Barba,” you replied softly.

“Please, Rafael,” he replied with a hand up in protest. “But seriously, with your credentials, you can work at any big firm in the city. I am surprised they’re not fighting over you already.”

“It’s not really well known that I am in New York…. or looking for work,” you replied, playing with the chain of your necklace again.

Rafael hummed, now standing, taking off his suit jacket, leaving him clad in just his vest. “I think you’d be a great fit here. Just a warning, it doesn’t pay as well as Reddick or Lockhart.”

“That’s fine,” you replied, eyes narrowing slightly. “It isn’t about the money.”

“What is it about then?” Rafael asked curiously, sitting on the corner of his desk looking down at you. Your eyes met his. “I need work - and you said you needed someone. So here I am.”

Rafael chuckled. “This was probably the easiest hire ever. Thank you for saving me from poring through resumes and meeting with countless candidates. How soon can you start?”

“How soon can I start?” you countered with a raised brow.

Rafael nodded before leaning over on his desk to press a button on his phone. “Carmen, please have Y/N processed for employment. She need to meet with security to get an ID.”

“Right away Mr. Barba,” Carmen replied over the speaker.

“I have a court appearance this afternoon. After you get squared away, head over to the 16th precinct and meet with Sargent Benson and her squad; she may be there - she may not be. Someone will be. I’ll be there after court.” Rafael now stood. You stood up as well, your eyes locked on his. You were a bit mesmerized with how green his eyes were. They were a stark contrast to Will’s chocolate brown eyes.

You blinked your eyes rapidly back into reality. “Sounds good Rafael.” You extended your hand out and he took it shaking yours.

“I am really glad you took me up,” Rafael replied. “Welcome to the DA.”


	3. Chapter 3

Three months had passed. You settled into your new home and your new job. You became friendly with the SVU squad easily. The cases were intense; much different than what you were used to before. Sometimes justice wasn’t always had and you grappled with that. Sometimes you skimmed the legal/illegal line of getting what you needed which drove Barba occasionally into a tizzy. You threw yourself into your work, trying to stuff down and ignore the many objectionable feelings that were rooted deep down.

You woke up to to your phone buzzing. It was a bunch of texts sent in rapid succession from Carmen.

[Carmen, 7:30 AM: Barba needs you at SVU]

[Carmen, 7:31 AM: FYI he’s in a mood]

[Carmen, 7:32 AM: He’s already on his way there]

Your stomach flopped a bit and you sighed. Your boss was a wonderful man, but when he was in a mood, he could be pretty cantankerous. You could begin to feel a dull throb in your head form.

After a quick shower, and popping some aspirin, you made your way to the 16th precinct. The elevator doors opened and you were face to face with a tall, brunette woman.

“Morning Liv,” you greeted warmly. Liv smiled.

“Morning Y/F/N,” She made her way into the elevator as you stepped out. She held her arm over the elevator door. “I hate to bail but there’s an issue with Noah and his school. I’ll be back later. Barba is already here; he’s in my office.”

The elevator started to ring. Olivia gave a small but warm smile. You nodded your goodbye and made your way towards Liv’s office.

As you made your way over, you bumped into Carisi who was also heading towards Liv’s office.

“Morning Y/F/N,” Carisi greeted you brightly. “Here for Barba?”

“Hey Sonny,” you greeted in a sing-song manner as you both entered Liv’s office.

Your boss was going though a stack of papers on Liv’s desk. He looked up at the two of you, and sighed before taking a swig of coffee from the cup in his hand.

“Carisi, Y/F/N,” Rafael clipped. “Patrick Roonery was convicted of raping and murdering his boss’ wife 13 years ago. New DNA evidence has exonerated him. However, McCoy wants me to investigate further, because the judge may have withheld some evidence to secure the conviction. I need you Y/F/N to speak with the original jury members and see if they remember anything odd. Carisi go with Y/F/N and use that recently acquired law degree.”

Rafael sighed, continuing. “If this is true, this could have huge repercussions. I have never been more jaded by the bench than I have now. Cuesta is a well respected judge. He’s known in the community. This won’t be easy.”

“On it,” Carisi affirmed. You nodded, before furrowing your brow. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, just a headache and my stomach is a little off. I am just hungry. No time to grab anything to eat. I’ll just hit up the break room before we leave,” you replied.

Amanda poked her head and knocked. “Barba, we got the files from the Cuesta hearing. It’s a mess. I set it up in the spare interview room so you can start to go through everything,” she sighed.

****

Amanda was not kidding when she said the file was a mess. Something did immediately appear to be off. You just wasn’t sure as to what.

Grabbing the list of jurors and their addresses that Carisi just printed out, you headed out with him to interview.

Rafael watched you exit. “I like her, she’s a good fit,” he remarked to Amanda.

“Shame what happened to her husband,” Amanda replied with a sad smile. “Just awful.”

Rafael paused for a minute before resuming re-stacking the papers into the evidence box. “What did you say?”

“She didn’t tell you?” Amanda asked, her accent twinging. “Her husband was that hot shot lawyer from Chicago who was murdered by his client in the courtroom. Will… something,” she trailed off.

Rafael shook his head. “Gardner?” He questioned.

“Him! That’s right,” Amanda tapped her temple. That’s why she’s out here.”

“And she just told you all of this?” Rafael pressed Amanda.

“No. I just remember when it happened; there was a picture of them in the paper. I recognized her almost immediately. But she hasn’t said anything so I didn’t want to. Not my place, you know?”

****

Later that afternoon, you and Carisi were on the way to the last juror’s residence.

“After this gent, how about we go get some food? I know a great pizza joint two blocks over,” Carisi replied with a grin.

You walked up the front stoop of a Brooklyn brownstone with Carisi. “Sounds good, I could use something to eat. Your dime, not mine,” you teased.

You found the apartment and buzzed. After a few subsequent buzzes, no one answered. Carisi looked up at the top of building. “Let’s go grab a bite and then come back; maybe we will catch them on the way back.”

At that moment, the doors opened and a man stepped out.

“Excuse me,” he replied, walking past you. You caught a whiff of his cologne and your world stopped in its tracks. The scent of the stranger’s cologne - Will’s cologne - overtook your senses. Your stomach churned and you could hear your heart pounding in your ears.

Carisi began talking to the man, initially oblivious to your discomfort. You leaned over on the railing, your eyes brimming and you willed yourself to not upchuck the contents of your stomach.

“Y/N? You okay? Y/N?” Carisi tapped your shoulder.

You took a breath and stood straight, nodding, while wiping your eyes. “Yes,” you replied shakily. “I—“ you started before promptly throwing up on Carisi’s leather shoes.

Your eyes widened in horror. “I am so sorry,” you apologized.

Carisi raised his hand up. “Well, my appetite is over. Let’s head to that shop anyway so we can get you a soda and I can get cleaned up and you can tell me what that was about.”

****

Carisi listened intently as you spilled everything that had been kept in for the past few months: the shooting, the funeral, the decision to get away from everyone who seemed to mollycoddle you immediately after, the intense desire to step away and create a whole new life back home.

“I am really sorry about your shoes. Take them to be cleaned and send me the bill,” you apologized before taking a long sip of the 7Up Carisi grabbed from the pizza-shop refrigerator.

“Y/N,” Carisi replied gently while reaching out to touch your hand. “It’s fine; I am really sorry about what happened to your husband. I read some of his law reviews at Fordham. He was damn fine lawyer.”

You nodded in agreement. “We were planning the next phase of our lives. I know tomorrow is never promised but I just didn’t think it would happen to me.”

Carisi reached over and wiped the lone tear that had fallen on your cheek with a greasy tissue. “Whatever you need Y/N, you can count on me, the squad; we’ve got you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Rafael entered his apartment with a heavy sigh of exhaustion. He tossed his leather briefcase to the side, and slipped off his suit jacket.

He slipped off his suspenders and undid his tie. Walking over to his bar cart, he poured himself a glass of scotch. He let the alcohol swirl around in his mouth before swallowing. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cellphone. He swore he wouldn’t do it, but curiosity’s got the better of him, and he looked up Will Gardner.

Hot Shot Lawyer Gunned Down in Court

Chicago Prominent Attorney Murdered

Attorney Shot and Killed, The Suspect Is a Longtime Client

Killer Jeffrey Grant Sentenced in Lawyer Death

The Downfall of the Gardners

The last headline caught Rafael’s eye the most and he clicked on it. Splashed on the screen was a picture of you, smiling, looking up at Will, a glass of wine in your hand.

Whomever wrote the article did a shoddy job, just gleaning highlights of your career, painting you as more of someone riding Will’s coattails. “Hmph,” Rafael huffed, knowing how impressive your resume was.

Rafael enjoyed working with you. You were clever, smart, and when you did let your guard down, he thought you had the most beautiful laugh.

The last time Rafael let anyone get close to him, it was Yelina and she shattered his heart. Rafael threw himself into his work instead. He thought back of that day where he met you in the park with Noah. You were stunning and had him completely enchanted.

But Rafael couldn’t do anything about it. It wasn’t just ethics. Grief, he knew, after his father’s death, was a beast. Rafael wasn’t sure how he would even approach you, even if he would allow himself. More so, he wanted to be respectful; you hadn’t even told him about Will.

Exhausted, Rafael made his way to his bedroom. Stripping down to his boxers, he turned down the sheets and climbed into bed. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, Rafael sat up, kicked off the sheets and reached into his boxers, seeking relief. Release came quickly, with your name on Rafael’s lips.

****

You groaned as you emptied the contents of your stomach once more. Beads of sweat rolled down your face as you reached for some toilet paper to wipe your mouth. You shivered as your sweaty skin touched the cold tile wall. Blowing your nose, you eyed the box of tampons that sat on the top of the toilet tank. You did some quick math in your head, and realized you couldn’t remember when you last had your period.

Panic began to form and before you could even fathom the possibility of pregnancy, your stomach recoiled again and you began to heave into the toilet once more.

The retching eventually stopped. You splashed cold water on your face and rinsed your mouth to get the awful taste out of your mouth.

Exhausted, you made a mental note to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home fromt the office before climbing back into bed.

****

Later that morning, you sat in your office, going through the copies of the evidence. A knock on the door stirred you. Pushing a strand from your face, you smiled at the handsome ADA leaning against the doorway, holding two large cups of coffee.

“How’s it going?” Rafael questioned, offering you a coffee.

Taking the coffee, you nodded with a bit of a shrug. “Okay; I think I found some stuff that may help us.” You took a sip of the coffee and frowned at your stomach lurching again. It didn’t slip past Rafael.

“You okay?” Rafael asked, before taking another sip of coffee.

“Yeah, I think I am just coming down with something,” you lied. “Thanks for the coffee.” You turned the papers in front of you towards Rafael. “There were these four receipts; four purchases, all on Terri Rooney’s credit card the day after her death. And, more importantly, the day after Patrick Rooney was in custody.”

“Meaning Patrick Rooney wasn’t the killer,” Rafael murmured. “So where were these during the trial?”

“I don’t know,” you replied grimacing while taking another sip of coffee. “I want to talk with Judge Cuesta’s lead investigator at the time. Maybe his co-counsel at the time too. Because Cuesta should have been privy to this; I am sure he carried a huge caseload and even if he was overwhelmed, he would have had to at least pharm this out to his co-counsel.”

“So it’s either on Cuesta, which gets him removed for prosecutorial blindness, or on his co-counsel, which gets Cuesta off,” Rafael replied, now standing, heading to leave. “Good job, keep me posted. I’ve got court in an hour.”

Rafael winked at you as he left and you felt yourself blush. From the time you met him, you felt comfortable in his presence. He had a sharp tongue and a dry wit about him that reminded you of your former husband. You found yourself eyeing Rafael’s frame, focusing on his backside. Shaking your head back into reality, you reminded yourself to focus on the case at hand, and to pick up that pregnancy test.

***

Later that afternoon, you headed out from One Hogan Place, and made your way down the subway. It wasn’t long before you made your way to your destination. You looked at the paper in your hand; the address was correct. You entered the small wine shop, cautiously. “Hello? I am looking for Mara Stokes.”

“Can I help you?” asked an older woman with blonde hair. She ran her hands over her apron and smiled before squinting and looking at you more inquisitively. “You prosecution or defense?”

“I’m sorry?” You replied, a bit taken aback at her line of questioning.

“When I heard that Cuesta’s head was on the chopping block, I figured one of you would come look his investigator up,” Mara replied.

“Then maybe you could help me,” you replied, shoving your hands in your back pockets. “Did Cuesta bend the rules to get a conviction on Patrick Rooney?”

Mara sighed. “Maybe. Cuesta fancied himself a true public servant.”

You nodded, frowning. “How was his co-counsel?”

“John Bullock?” Mara questioned rhetorically. “Nice guy, smart as a whip; I think he became a judge too after Cuesta. Both were gonna nail Patrick Rooney, come hell or high water.”

“Thanks, that helps,” you replied handing Mara your business card. “Here’s my card if you think of anything else.”

Mara nodded, before turning away. Taking out your phone, you called Rafael.

****

That evening you were in Rafael’s office going through your meeting with Mara.

“I think Cuesta, Bullock - they all had prosecutorial blinders on. They needed to pad their wins so that they could eventually get on the bench.”

Rafael nodded, running his hands through his hair. “Assholes,” he swore, taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. “Patrick Rooney did nothing wrong and he spent twenty years in prison for it. He had his wife snatched from him and then he was accused of her murder. All so these two could get secure their careers,” he seethed.

Rafael was so angry, you could hear his voice shake. “Yeah,” you replied quietly. “What are we going to do?”

“They nailed Rooney; so we are going to nail them right back,” Rafael replied. “I want to bring them both in, but separately. They’ll have their lawyers.”

You nodded, taking down notes.

Rafael looked over at you, your head was lowered and you were scribbling furiously. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. “Amanda told me.”

You stopped and looked up. “About what?” you questioned but you knew that Rafael knew.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Rafael replied. “I can’t imagine…” he began but you cut him off.

“That’s right,” you began, your face getting hot. “You don’t know, so please, save me your pity.”

“I…,” Rafael began softly, sitting on the corner of his desk. He leaned over and reached out to clasp your hand. You felt a bit of a jolt of Rafael’s hand touching yours and you stared deeply into his green eyes. “I just wish…”

You felt a pang of loneliness. You were pretty sure it was evident on your face. As you stood, Rafael’s hand never left yours. Instead, he tugged you close to him. Your bodies were millimeters apart. Rafael brushed the strand of hair that had fallen across your face again, pushing it out of the way.

Studying Rafael closely, you could see their was some pain behind his eyes. “Wish what?” You asked quietly, your eyes now focused on his lips. You swallowed hard.

Rather than answer you, Rafael closed the distance between you and pressed his lips against yours. Throwing caution to the wind, you kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. The kiss grew with intensity and you both made way to his couch.

That pregnancy test would have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

Pressing your body against Rafael’s, you returned his kiss. Instinctively, you wrapped your arms around his neck as his tongue dueled yours. Rafael’s hands ran up the sides of your body before briefly stopping your rib cage before making way to your breasts. His hands grazed the undersides before dropping back down to your hips, resting there.

Rafael broke the kiss, making his way to your exposed neck. His tongue trailed along your neck before sucking at the dip where neck and shoulder met. You whimpered as you craned your neck to give further access. Rafael placed kisses back up your neck before meeting your lips once more. You were having a sensory overload: Rafael’s cologne was woodsy and he tasted like a mixture of coffee and mint. It was hedonic and you lost yourself in the warm pleasurable sensations that overtook your body.

You started to paw at Rafael’s shirt when his hands stopped you. Rafael looked at you, your lips pink and swollen, your cheeks flushed. “No.”

A look of hurt flashed across your face. “I… “ you began but were unable to find the right words.

“Not here,” Rafael expanded with a soft smile. “My place.” He waited a beat before continuing, “If that’s okay with you.”

Your lips formed a silent oh and you nodded. “Okay,” you agreed. “Your place.”

Rafael grabbed his belongings and you followed him out of One Hogan Place. It had started to pour outside; the city smelled of petrichor. Though Rafael only lived a few blocks over, you both still got caught in the downpour. The two of you had your clothes sticking to your skin.

You followed Rafael into his apartment building and into the elevator. After pressing the button for his floor, he backed you against the wall, kissing you once more. You ran your hands through his wet hair, gently tugging. One of Rafael’s hands made its way between your legs and rubbed. “Oh, Rafael,” you moaned in between kisses, pressing against him eagerly.

The elevator dinged interrupting the interlude. Rafael took you by the hand and wordlessly led you to his apartment. Once inside, Rafael turned on the light and you took in the apartment before you. It was freakishly spotless and you wondered if you had entered a living ad for Architectural Digest. A huge painting of women depicted as a cross between birds and mermaids hung over the couch, and you recognized it as a Roberto Fabelo piece.

“Do you want something to drink?” Rafael asked, interrupting your thoughts. For a second you almost agreed but thought better of it and shook your head.

“You don’t mind if I do?” Rafael asked, loosening the knot on his tie.

“Go ahead,” you encouraged him as he made his way to his bar cart. Rafael tossed his jacket and tie onto his couch. You took in the rest of the apartment. “Nice place,” you complimented.

His back to you, Rafael poured what you assumed was scotch or whiskey or some other hard liquor. “Thanks,” he replied. He turned around and raised the drink to his lips but he paused at the sight of you.

You had stripped most of your clothes off, just now in a camisole and panties. The camisole was now near sheer, wet from the rain. Because you were also cold, your nipples cut through, hard as small rocks.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it, clearing his throat.

“Take me to bed,” you ordered quietly. Rafael downed his drink in one gulp, tossing the glass to the side where it landed with a clatter.

Rafael approached you like if you were stalked prey and kissed you, hard. You jumped into his embrace and wrapped your legs around him and he carried you towards his bedroom where you both fell onto his bed as a heap of tangled limbs.

Rafael rolled, so you were under him and he raised your arms above your head and pinned you. You searched Rafael’s eyes, which were blown with lust. You could feel Rafael’s erection pressing against you. You squirmed against him, raising your hips.

Rafael sat up, and rested back on his heels. He slipped off his began unbuttoning his cuffs, then made way to his shirt. You sat up, leaning back on your arms and bit your lip.

Now shirtless, Rafael leaned back down, shifting his body over you. He cupped your face and moved a stray hair from your face. “Are you sure this is okay?”

You nodded. “Yes, I want this,” you replied shakily. “I…I haven’t been with anyone since Will.”

Rafael pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Okay; if at anytime you want to stop, just say so.”

You nodded. Rafael began placing kisses down your neck, to the top of your chest. He yanked down the top of your camisole, exposing your breasts. Rafael’s tongue swirled over a nipple, causing you to moan. He cupped your other breast, using his index finger and thumb to pinch the other nipple. You arched your back as he continued to move lower, raising the hem to expose your abdomen. Rafael dipped his tongue into your navel before continuing to make his way down to between your legs. You parted your legs wantonly. Rafael inhaled your scent before pushing your panties to the side. One arm draped over you, pinning you to the bed. Rafael used his free hand to open your glistening folds. “My, my,” Rafael purred. “So wet.”

You writhed under his hot breath, your heart was pounding in your chest, bracing for the inevitable. You cried out as Rafael began his oral ministrations, his tongue lapping and sucking you. Rafael traced you with his tongue, flicking it against your lips. He pressed the tip of his nose on your swollen clit, and moved his head to the side so he could slip a finger inside of you. His nose rubbed your clit as he lazily fucked you with his finger. You groaned, gripping the sheets. You could feel yourself soaking the sheets underneath you. “Fuck, Rafael, don’t stop.”

Rafael paused his actions causing you to whine. “I could eat you for hours,” Rafael he confessed huskily before resuming his actions. You grabbed at your breasts, tugging on your nipples. Another finger slipped inside. You pushed against Rafael’s hand, trying to somehow get him deeper. “Rafael, oh Rafa…” you cried out as your walls tightened against his digits. Rafael was relentless, continuing to fuck you with his hand, while continuing to suck on your clit. You squeezed your eyes shut as you came, chanting Rafael’s name. Rafael continued to lap at you as you rode out your orgasm. Slowly he pulled his fingers out and placed chaste kisses along your still quivering thighs.

“My turn,” you sat up and pushed Rafael onto his back. You kissed Rafael, tasting yourself on his tongue. You reached now and palmed Rafael’s erection through his trousers. “Too many clothes,” you murmured. Rafael took the hint and unbuttoned his pants before raising his hips to ditch them and his boxers.

You hummed in appreciation at the sight of Rafael’s hard cock. Meeting Rafael’s eyes, you took him in your mouth. Rafael groaned. You bobbed up and down on his length, using your hand to assist in jerking him. You ran your thumb over the tip of his cock, smearing the bead of pre-cum that had oozed out. Rafael’s head fell back moaning and a hand pressed on your head, encouraging you to continue. Lifting his cock gently, you ran your tongue on the underside, at the spot where the head met the shaft and you sucked on it. Rafael’s head fell forward and you locked eyes as you continued. Rafael stroked your cheek, as he thrusted in and out of your mouth. You pressed your hands on his thighs and you could feel the tension in his muscles. Knowing you had such an effect on him, spurned you on.

“Fuck, y/n, fuck,” Rafael groaned. You chuckled and pulled off with a wet pop. Rafael’s eyes narrowed. “Tease.”

“I couldn’t have you coming just yet, counselor,” you purred before kissing him once more. You pulled away briefly, your face serious. “You have condoms right?”

Rafael nodded. “I do, top drawer.” You leaned over and reached into his nightstand. As you did so, Rafael massaged your ass, before slightly dipping a finger into your pussy. You moaned softly, as you grabbed a condom. Rafael continued to lazily finger fuck you as you ripped the foil open. Rafael slipped his fingers out and made a show of cleaning them before he grabbed the condom. Rafael unrolled the latex onto his member before shifting his body so he was squared on top of you. “Oh yes,” you squeezed your eyes shut and hissed at the feeling of Rafael’s cock rubbing against your most sensitive region.

“You sure you’re okay?” Rafael asked gently, stirring you from your reverie. You nodded but then pushed on his chest for a second.

“Just nervous,” you admitted. Rafael nodded and cupped your cheek. “I’ll take my time.”

“Extra lube?” You asked. Rafael nodded and handed you a small bottle of lube. Once that was squared away, Rafael re-positioned himself at your entrance. Bracing himself on his forearms, he pushed into you. You cried out and wrapped your legs around his hips. Rafael’s thrusts were slow initially but once you gave the okay sign, he began to thrust harder into you.

“Yes, oh yes, you take my cock so good,” Rafael groaned. Beads of sweat dropped off his body and onto you. You braced your hands on Rafael’s arms as he continued to thrust in and out of you.

“Oh yes,” you moaned. “Harder.” Rafael complied, speeding up his pace. The headboard rattled against the wall as Rafael continued to fuck you. You raised your hips to meet his thrusts.

“So close,” Rafael panted. “On top, please,” he pleaded, rolling your bodies so you were on top. You leaned back, your breasts heaving as you rode Rafael. He reached up and grabbed your breasts, squeezing. Bracing yourself on one arm on a thigh, you used your free hand to reach down to rub yourself. Rafael shooed your hand away, and he used the pad of his thumb to rub circles on your clitoris. You used the opportunity to reach around and tug on his balls.

“Coño, Y/N,” Rafael groaned.

“Fuck, Rafael, fuck, I…I…” You babbled incoherently as you felt your orgasm overtake you. Rafael continued to rub you through your orgasm, his thrusting not once unwavering. You shuddered on top of him. The feeling of your bliss was too much for Rafael and he felt his own release approaching.

“Fuck, I am going to come,” groaned Rafael.

“Come for me,” you begged Rafael. Rafael’s thrusting became more erratic and he pulled you down for a kiss. His hips froze and he gripped your hips tightly and he broke the kiss to let out a strangled cry as he came.

You looked at Rafael. “Wow.”

“You can say that again. That was amazing,” Rafael complimented. You moved off of Rafael and he pulled you close to him, so that your head was laying on his chest. Rafael moved slightly to reach around to remove the condom and he tossed it to the trash can on the side.

You ran lazy circles on Rafael’s chest hair and he pressed a kiss on your forehead. The sex with Rafael had been amazing; however, you felt an enormous weight over you. Rafael fell asleep shortly; but you remained awake, unsettled and unsure as to what the future would hold.


	6. Chapter 6

You woke up with a slight start. You realized you weren’t in your bedroom; the arm wrapped around your body gave it away. You looked down; you could barely make out Rafael’s hand cupping a breast. You very carefully, removed Rafael’s hand and sat up in bed, agonizing on whether to stay or go. Your stomach made the decision for you, lurching and flopping. Quickly and quietly you dashed out of the bedroom, in search of the bathroom. Fortunately it was immediately across Rafael’s bedroom. Turning on the faucet, you hoped the sound of running water would hide your upchucking.

Once your emetic episode subsided, you splashed some water on your face and rinsed out your mouth. You stepped out of the bathroom and newly jumped out of your skin at the sight of Rafael in the doorway.

“Jesus Rafael!” you exclaimed. “How long have you been standing there?”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael began. You took in Rafael’s nude self and blushed. “You’re not in bed, I came looking for you. Wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh? Um, I am okay. Just needed relieve myself and freshen up,” you replied. You crossed your arms and legs instinctively, very aware of your nudity as well.

The two of you stood silently in the hall, the tension palpable. You debated leaving, but your stomach gurgled indicating you should stay lest you get sick on the way home. “Let’s go back to bed,” you smiled. Rafael smiled in return, seeming relieved. He outstretched his hand and you took it, leading him back to the bed.

Once back in bed, Rafael made you cum from a combination of his mouth and fingers. Twice. Rafael’s 5 o’clock shadow sent tingles down your body as he nuzzled your thighs while pumping his fingers in and out of your dripping core. What followed was delicious, languid sex that made forget all of your problems, even if only momentarily.

****

The next morning, you left early before Rafael had a chance to wake up again. You left a note for Rafael stating you’d see him in the office later to interview Cuesta and Bullock.

Entering the drugstore you scanned the aisle signs before you found what you needed. “How can there be so many types of pregnancy tests?” you murmured in dismay. Rapid response, digital response, pinky dye, blue dye, even ones that told you how far along you were. Not willing to take a chance, you grabbed one of each and headed to self-checkout machine.

****

Back home, you read and re-read the instructions. A quick Google search showed that peeing in a cup gave the best results as you could just stick the tests in it versus trying to urinate on a bunch of tests. So that’s what you did, finding a leftover Solo cup from your initial move-in.

You hopped into the shower while the tests did their thing. You felt delightfully sore as you cleaned yourself. Looking down at your body, you took stock on the hickeys along your abdomen. You noticed finger tip bruises on the tops of your hips too. You blushed at the memory of Rafael’s tight grip on your hips as you rode him.

Turning off the shower, you stepped out and dried off quickly, before slipping on a robe. Looking down at the sink, you froze.

+

Pregnant

||

3+ weeks.

You felt all the air get sucked out of your lungs and you gripped the wall to steady yourself as your legs threatened to give out. There were so many conflicting emotions occurring at once. Tears threatened to spill and you swallowed hard, the lump in your throat already forming. Your legs eventually gave out and you sat against the wall, still stunned.

Instinctively you touched your abdomen.

Your phone buzzed and you reached up and grabbed it. It was Rafael.

Rafael [7:42 AM]: I had fun last night. I’d like to do it again if that’s okay with you. If not, that’s okay too. See you later; let’s nail these assholes.

The tears that threatened to spill, now rolled off your cheeks. ‘God, this cannot be happening,’ you thought. ‘This isn’t how it was supposed to go.’ You and Will weren’t actively trying; you took your pill daily. And then it hit you.

You swayed in Will’s arms, tipsy from the obscene amounts of champagne you had. Will nuzzled your neck, whispering of the things he wanted to do.

You smiled lasciviously at him. “Mr. Gardner, you’ve got quite the mouth on you. I should hold you in contempt,” you teased. For a moment, you sobered. “My pill, did I take it?” you asked out loud. “Eh, I am sure I did.”

Will responded by kissing you before picking up your legs to wrap around him and carrying you to the bedroom.

Opening up the browser on your phone, you began searching for an obstetrician. You found the name of someone taking new patients and saved the number so you could make an appointment.

Eventually after some time had passed, you were able to muster the strength to make a cup of tea and get dressed. You tucked your button down into your jeans and slipped on some mules. You haphazardly threw your hair up and grabbed your tumbler so that you could meet Rafael.

Your phone buzzed again. It was Carisi.

There would be no interview. Not by you or Rafael at least.

Judge Bullock was found dead. And Judge Cuesta was missing. So was the murder weapon.


	7. Chapter 7

Judge Cuesta was eventually found holed up in a secret chateau off 57th and Central Park West. He maintained his innocence of Bullock’s murder, asserting that he wouldn’t hurt his friend to maintain his reputation. “I had to hide; someone is out for revenge!” he barked angrily at Rafael, now back down at One Hogan Place.

“Your attitude, your honor, it will do more to condemn you than the evidence. You’re on this side of the bench now,” Barba snapped.

Your brows rose but you remained silent, rapping your fingers on a half empty can of ginger ale. You willed your nausea to abate. It did, and you cleared your throat before speaking. “We have solid alibi for Mr. Rooney. Despite your need to secure the conviction, he surprisingly holds no ill will to either one of you. You should be so humble,” you replied sternly.

Cuesta slumped forward, defeated. “I know. We shouldn’t have done it. We were greedy and righteous. I let that cloud my judgment. What now?”

“That’s for the court of inquiry to determine. You will likely be removed from the bench altogether,” Rafael replied.

Your phone buzzed and you reached into your pocket. “Y/L/N here,” you answered holding up a finger to excuse yourself. Rafael nodded and you took the call outside Rafael’s office. You half smiled at Carmen who returned the smile before continuing her typing.

After briefly talking with Liv, you returned to Rafael’s office. You motioned to Rafael and he came over. You whispered what Liv told you and his green eyes darkened. He nodded and turned to face Cuesta, clearing his throat. “We’ve got Bullock’s killer in custody.”

****

A partial print on the pen lead to the Rooney’s son, Patrick Jr. who was so angry about his father’s wrongful conviction, that he was hell bent on revenge. Patrick Sr. was devastated and any forgiveness he may have had at Cuesta and the newly deceased Bullock, was long gone.

“My wife is gone, and now, the only family I had left, is now behind bars. I may be a free man to others, but I forever live imprisoned thanks to selfish pigs like Judge Cuesta and Judge Bullock,” Patrick Sr. sobbed on the news.

Carisi reached for the remote and turned off the television. “Well, he ain’t wrong,” he sighed. He ran his hands through his hair and looked over at you. You were signing off on paperwork effectively closing out the case on Bullock’s murder. “Whatcha got going on this weekend?”

“Laying low,” you replied knowing full well you had a visit with an ob/gyn. “You?”

“It’s my anniversary with my girlfriend. Pulling out all the stops - home cooked dinner - making my ma’s lasagna from scratch, taking her for drinks and jazz,” Carisi replied excitedly.

“That sounds so lovely. I hope you guys have the best time,” you replied smiling. “How long have you two been together?”

“Two years; she’s really great. I am so lucky. This line of work… it can be hard to find someone,” Carisi stated. “I am sure you understand, with lawyers and long hours.”

“I do,” you acknowledged. “Keep that in mind yourself Fordham law,” you subsequently teased. “Happy anniversary,” you added after a beat. You furrowed your brows. Carisi noticed the crestfallen look on your face that quickly appeared and disappeared just as quickly.

“Hey, you okay? I’m sorry if that brought up any memories,” he began to apologize.

“No, no,” you reassured him. “Just a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk about it?” Carisi asked. You noted the concern in his voice. You shook your head, grabbing your bag. “It’s fine; we can talk about it later.”

Carisi opened his mouth to protest but you held up your hand. “I’ll be fine. Go - go enjoy your anniversary before another crime happens and you have to get called back in.” You waved Carisi off. Carisi nodded, and squeezed your shoulder. “Y/N, you can always count on me for a shoulder.”

You smiled. “Thanks Sonny. I appreciate that.” With a final wave, Carisi left.

You gave the paperwork in front of you a final look through. Satisfied, you dropped off the paperwork on Liv’s desk before heading out of the precinct and to your apartment.

As you walked down the street, your phone buzzed. Looking at your phone, you frowned. You recognized the 312 number.

It was Lockhart Gardner. You debated answering or letting it go to voicemail. After two more rings, you answered it, curiosity getting the better of you.

“Hello?” You questioned.

“Y/F/N? It’s Diane,” the voice on the other side answered.

“Diane! It’s nice to hear from you. How… how did you get my number?”

You could almost see Diane’s smile, even an hour away. “Kalinda.”

“Of course Kalinda,” you sighed. Lockhart Gardner’s own in-house investigator and a dear friend of Will’s, had her own ways - sometimes not so legal ways - of tracking people down. “Whats going on Diane? Is everything okay?”

The blonde name partner explained that Will had some remaining equity in the firm that they needed to absolve and as his next of kin, you were the one they needed to buy-out.

“Can’t you just email me the paperwork and I will Fed-ex overnight?” You asked wearily as you approached your apartment.

“No, unfortunately it needs to be done in person,” Diane explained. “With all the remaining partners present.”

You groaned. “Okay, I will see what flights are available. I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon.”

“Don’t worry about the flight dear. I’ll take care of it,” Diane replied.

Just as you were about to thank her, a thought occurred to you. “Diane, is Will’s name coming off the door?”

Diane sighed. “There was some talk about it. Particularly from David. But we voted to leave Will’s name. He and I did start the firm after all.”

You thanked Diane before ending the call. Finally, you reached your apartment. Your phone buzzed again. You groaned. ‘What now could Diane want?’ you wondered.

[Rafael, 6:47 PM]: You free?

You debated your response. You watched three dots appear on your phone. They stopped and then appeared again.

[Rafael, 6:48 PM]: If so, want to grab dinner?

[Y/N, 6:49 PM]: I am wiped. Not feeling too hot. Rain check?

[Rafael, 6:51 PM]: Of course.

You felt bad but you really were exhausted. You also very anxious about your appointment. You decided to play your cards to your chest. Once you had your appointment, you could make whatever moves needed to be made. Further, you now how to get ready for a day trip to Chicago.

You plopped on the couch and turned on the television. Before you could help it, you dozed off.


	8. Chapter 8

“Based on this sonogram, and based off your last menstrual period, I’d say you’re about twelve weeks pregnant,” the technician smiled. “Congratulations. Would you like to hear the heart beat?”

You stared at the grainy black and white monitor in disbelief. Suddenly you sat up. “Ummm - wait - are you saying I am three months along? How is that possible?”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” the technician stammered nervously. “I’ll be right back.”

The technician left the room, the door shutting with an audible click. You stared at the screen again and touched your abdomen covered in gel. You frowned at the sensation and wiped your hand on the paper covering the exam table.

There was a gentle knock on the door. “Come in,” you acknowledged.

“Hi, I am Dr. Weverly,” the red-headed physician introduced herself. “I was told you had some questions.”

“I… I…” you started, feeling your face turn crimson and tears beginning to form. You took a deep breath and exhaled, in an attempt to compose yourself. “I missed my pill once. I had no idea that I was - am - pregnant. My husband is dead. This was not in the plan.”

Dr. Weverly looked momentarily stunned and then gave you a soft smile. “That is incredibly hard. You of course have a choice - we can talk about that,” she stated. “Also - have you sought out any bereavement groups?”

You shook your head. “I don’t wish to terminate,” you replied.

“Ok. Well, from the looks of this scan, everything looks par for the course. Get dressed, we’ll talk about what to expect going forward in my office,” Dr. Weverly replied.

***

Your phone buzzed as you left the doctor’s office. Your hands were full with a copy of the sonogram and other papers filled about the “size of a lime” you were carrying. The doctor also gave you list of bereavement and single parent groups along with a name of therapist. You haphazardly shoved the everything in your bag in an attempt to free your hands. It was an email from Diane.

[8:45 AM; from DLock_@lockhartgardner.com]

[Subject: Will]

[Y/N, As a courtesy, the equity paperwork is attached. You’ll still need to come sign in person. Flight information to follow. See you soon.]

You clicked on the pdf and waited for it download. Quickly scrolling through, you reviewed the terms. Something seemed off and you gave an irritated sigh. You closed out of the email and dialed Rafael who answered after two rings.

“Rafael? I know it’s early, I am sorry. I think I need your help.”

“Y/N, it’s almost 9am; it’s not that early,” Rafael chuckled. “Is everything okay?” Rafael questioned further.

“Not sure,” you replied biting your nails. “Can I come over?”

***

A short cab ride later, you were at Rafael’s apartment door. You didn’t even have to bother to knock, as Rafael was leaning against the doorframe.

“Morning counselor,” you replied cheekily.

“Counselor? When did we get so formal?” Rafael replied, motioning for you to come in. “That’s not what you called me recently the last time you were here.”

You chuckled, as you made your way in. “Well, that’s the damn truth.”

“So what’s going on? I don’t think you’re here at 9am on a Saturday for a rendezvous,” Rafael questioned as he led you to the kitchen. “Coffee?”

“Yes? No - wait, yes,” you replied.

It was Rafael who now cocked a brow at you. You followed him into the kitchen, which was small at best. Despite the size, it was outfitted with a breakfast bar. Rafael handed you a maroon mug emblazoned with the Harvard logo and moved the creamer and sugar caddy towards you. You poured some creamer and shook a sugar packet. You took a sip of the warm liquid and relished the initial sip. Almost immediately, your stomach lurched and you frowned, pushing the coffee aside. “I’m pregnant.”

Rafael choked on his coffee. “Excuse me?” he sputtered. Drops of coffee splashed everywhere. Rafael reached for a kitchen towel and he wiped the drops of coffee off his shirt. He paused his actions to look at you. “Y/N, how are you feeling?”

“I think I am still in shock of it all. I just came from the doctor’s office. I’m about 3 months they said. I had no clue.”

“Y/N, whatever you need, I am here for you.” Rafael pulled a chair to sit next to you. “I mean it.” He took your hands into his and gave them a squeeze. You searched his green eyes intently and hummed in agreement.

“Thank you Rafa. I mean it. Thank you.”

“That’s not why you are here though, is it?” Rafael questioned.

You shook your head. “No, actually the partners at Will’s firm said he had some remaining equity that they wanted to resolve and pay out to me. I got a copy of the paperwork and after reviewing it, I think I need a lawyer to represent me.”

Rafael nodded. “I’ll help. Can you have them send me the contract?”

“I have it. Diane - she started the firm with Will - she sent me a copy on email

as a courtesy. She expects me to come sign them in person ASAP,” you explained.

“You’re not signing anything. I’ll go through it all. Let me move some stuff around and go with you to Chicago,” Rafael replied firmly. “Can you forward me the contract?”

“I can. I’ll send you everything,” you replied appreciatively. “But I don’t want to mess your caseload or what’s going on with Cuesta.”

“Y/N, it’s fine. If I couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t have offered,” Rafael replied gently.

***

True to his word, Rafael spent the majority of the day going through the legal paperwork with a fine tooth comb.

“Everything seems standard to me,” Rafael replied, pushing back his chair. “By chance do you have a copy of the partnership agreement? I just want to check something.”

“It’s at home on my laptop, but I can run home and get it,” you replied.

Rafael didn’t immediately tell you but he suspected the firm was looking to undercut the compensation owed to you that remained from the transfer of ownership after Will’s passing. “Okay. Send it over when you can.”

****

Just a few days later, you sat with Rafael in the conference room of Lockhart Gardner. Memories of Will were everywhere. In the name on the wall, in the memorial plaque that hung in the waiting room. Never mind you were accosted by nearly everyone there - the widow of a name partner doesn’t get to just slink in and out inconspicuously.

You sighed nervously, subconsciously bringing your nail to your mouth and chewing. Your eyes trailed over Rafael, who looked sharp in his charcoal three piece suit. He wore a maroon striped dress shirt and a matching colored tie finished the ensemble. You stood and began to pace the room, waiting.

Since your mind was on other matters, you missed Rafael also taking your form in. You wore a navy sleeveless sheath dress fitted with a grey suede pumps. Small hoop earrings adorned your ears and you wore your necklace with Will’s ring. The dress fitted your form perfectly and Rafael appreciated the view. He knew exactly what was under the dress; his mind kept wondering if he’d get another opportunity to see what was under your dress again - to feel the softness of your skin, to taste the salt of your skin, to inhale your scent.

Shaking his head out of his reverie, Rafael had to also adjust his seat, trying to bring his mind to other things.

So he focused on your pacing.

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” Rafael teased.

“Rafa, I haven’t seen anyone since the funeral. I basically broke my lease and got the fuck out as quickly as I could,” you snapped. “I am sorry,” you apologized quickly, flushing with shame at your demeanor. “I am just anxious.”

You sat back down, this time next to Rafael. Rafael took your hand into his and gave it a comforting squeeze. For a brief moment, your mind returned to your interlude with Rafael and you recalled how skilled he was with those hands and how good you felt under his touch. You shivered.

Through the glass wall, you saw a familiar blonde in glasses.

“Y/N! It’s so good to see you!” Diane greeted with her arms outstretched. You welcomed the hug and hugged her in return.

“Thanks Diane, it’s good to see you too,” you greeted. “Diane Lockhart, this is Rafael Barba,” you pulled away from the embrace to introduce Rafael.

“Rafael Barba? Your name proceeds you,” Diane extended her hand.

“Does it now?” Rafael beamed, shaking her hand. “Pleasure, Ms. Lockhart. I am here as Y/N’s attorney.”

Diane opened her mouth but you interrupted her before she could speak. “How’s Kurt? And your family?”

Diane smiled, “Maia is entering her first year of college. She’s thinking of going pre-law; I am quite proud.”

At that moment, a balding man with a Bluetooth headset barged in. “Diane, what’s this all about?” he began but stopped when he saw you cock your brow. “Y/N, it’s so nice to see you again.”

“David,” you greeted coolly. David Lee, another partner at the firm looked at Rafael and then back at you. “Who the hell is this?” he asked pointing at Rafael.

“I am here with my attorney Rafael Barba about the equity paperwork,” you explained.

David gave Rafael a once-over. “Can I have one of your cards? I imagine your you’re too new to be in the phonebooks.”

“Mr. Barba is the Manhattan ADA,” you replied smugly.

“ADA? Not enough crime happening in New York these days?” David questioned with a sneer. You rolled your eyes.

David looked at you. “We like each other. There’s no need for this.”

“David, stop it. You don’t like anyone,” you quipped, eyes rolling. Rafael stifled a laugh and David shot him a look.

“I liked your husband; not necessarily sure what he saw in you.”

You felt your blood pressure rise and looked at Rafael, whose face turned stony. “Did you actually like her husband or did you like that he made you a shitload of money?” Rafael snapped.

“Let’s all play nice here,” Diane reasoned. “I admit, David is right - to an extent. There’s no need for such formality. We just want to pay you your share of what remains from Will’s equity.” Diane removed her glasses and set them on the conference table.

“I’m here to represent Ms. Y/L/N’s best interest,” Rafael replied firmly. “I reviewed the equity paperwork and that’s fine. But I also looked at the partnership agreement. Normally when a name partner, such as Will Gardner dies, the partnership terminates and that’s the end of that. However, the original partnership agreement has a clause which states that a partner dissociates from the partnership when he dies. This means that the partnership will continue without the deceased partner, which has been the case here,” Rafael explained.

“The partner’s estate becomes a transferee of the partnership. A transferee has the right to receive compensation for the deceased partner’s share of the business but cannot participate in running the partnership. As Ms. Y/L/N is the executor of Mr. Gardner’s estate as his widow, she is the transferee and is entitled to all continued revenue that Mr. Gardner would have received if he were still living,” Rafael continued.

“Our current partnership agreement supersedes that agreement,” David angrily replied.

“Except Will didn’t sign the new partnership agreement,” you replied coolly. “He died before he could.”

Diane sighed in realization. “That week was such a blur, and he was still angry that Alicia left and started her own firm.”

“God, he was so angry with Alicia,” you said out loud to no one in particular.

“Thus the new agreement isn’t enforceable,” Rafael continued. “So you’re going to keep paying Ms. Y/N.”

“This is bullshit. How about we take this to a judge?” David questioned Diane.

“I’ll be happy to see you in court,” Rafael replied, crossing his arms. “Like you said, we have no crime in NY so I have all the time in the world.”

****

As the elevators came to a close, you squealed and hugged Rafael.

“Thank you so much Rafael! This is better than just the equity. I can’t believe the old agreement was still in effect. This really helps me… us,” you clarified, patting your stomach. “How can I thank you?”

Rafael broke the hug and looked into your eyes. He smoothed back a strand of hair that fell across your face. “I am just happy to have been able to help.”

You were quite aware of how close the two of you were. You could feel Rafael’s breath on your skin. He smelled of vetiver, patchouli and cedar - woodsy and earthy at once.

Rafael was also acutely aware of how close you were were to him. His gaze fell to your lips. Subconsciously you licked your lips and bit your bottom lip.

“You know, our flight doesn’t leave for another couple of hours,” you murmured. “We have some time to spare.”

“Whatever shall we do?” Rafael questioned, his voice hushed. You stepped closer to him, if that was even possible and pressed yourself against his body. You placed one hand on Rafael’s chest, feeling the warmth of his body and heart beat. Hesitatingly, you pressed your lips against his. Rafael returned the kiss, gently prodding your mouth open to slip in his tongue. You moaned into the kiss, your hands running through his hair.

The elevator dinged, signaling its arrival to the lobby. You broke the kiss reluctantly but not before gently nipping his bottom lip.

Rafael straightened his tie and jacket and you smoothed the invisible wrinkles on your dress.

You exited the elevator bank first. You peered over your shoulder to Rafael. “I have an idea as to where we can go,” you replied with a wink.


	9. Chapter 9

You rapped your fingers in annoyance on the counter, waiting for the young blonde at the front desk to finish what was clearly a personal call. Hotels in Chicago were a dime a dozen.

Rafael leaned against the counter, his back towards the desk and watched you with an amused look. You caught his stare and blushed.

“Patience isn’t a virtue, is it?” Rafael quipped.

“The longer she takes, the longer it’ll take us to get a room,” you winked.

“Ahem,” Rafael coughed. The front desk clerk looked at him in annoyance and held a finger.

“Oh good God,” You grumbled exasperatedly.

With a sigh, the front desk agent hung up the phone. “I’m sorry; how may I help you?”

“We would like a room please,” you replied, twitching your leg, anxious.

“Let me see what I have available. Hmmm… I have a suite at $1335.00 night.”

Before you could even protest the obscene price, Rafael slid his credit card forward. Rafael slid his hand up behind your neck, and then slowly brought it down and rubbed your back gently in concentric circles. Rafael’s hand then dropped and grazed down lower and lower, until he stopped just right at the small of your back. Your heart began to race a bit in anticipation of what was eminent.

****

The two of you wasted no time in peeling off each other’s clothes as soon as the hotel door shut with a click. Clothes landed in a heaps, forging a mini trail towards the bed. Without breaking the kiss, the two of you stumbled onto the bed and landed in a heap of tangled limbs.

Rafael rolled so you were laying on top of him. Rafael ran his hands down your sides and up your abdomen, stopping to cup your breasts. His thumbs ran over your nipples, which were already peaks. Desperate for some friction to relieve the ache between your legs, you ground yourself against Rafael’s member, feeling him hard against you.

You leaned forward so that you could continue grinding. Rafael took the opportunity to capture a nipple in his mouth. You moaned as his tongue ran over the hardened pebble, flicking his tongue back and forth before taking it fully in his mouth. Rafael gently nipped you with his teeth, which only spurred you on. Being pregnant, you realized had some perks as your nipples were extremely sensitive.

“So good,” you cooed as Rafael switched to your opposite breast.

You’re so beautiful,” Rafael murmured, inhaling the scent of your skin as he peppered your skin with kisses. Reluctantly, you pulled away so you could slink down Rafael’s body. You placed a kiss on his stomach, before settling in between his legs. Reaching into Rafael’s boxers, you gently freed his erection.

You spat onto your hand and began to give Rafael a hand job. Up and down, your hand went, stroking Rafael’s length. Rafael groaned as you did so. You were deliberately slow in your movements, relishing at how Rafael was falling apart.

“Please,” Rafael begged you. “Use your mouth.”

You smirked. “Sure thing counselor,” and with that, you opened your mouth to swallow him deeply. Rafael cursed as you rhythmically bobbed on his cock. You ran you tongue over his length, pausing momentarily to suck on the head, paying close attention to the spot along the underside where the head met the shaft.

Rafael wrapped his hands in your hair you continued your oral ministrations. Rafael lifted his head to watch his cock slip in and out of your mouth and his breath hitched at the sight.

“Mierda,” he moaned, throwing his head back as you continued to slobber all over him. You relaxed your throat and took him deeper. Your nose brushed his pubic hair. Rafael’s hips bucked as you swirled your tongue over his cock. You relished in the salty taste of his cum.

“Stop, I am going to cum,” Rafael moaned. Reluctantly you paused your actions and looked up at him. A string of saliva connected your mouth to his cock and Rafael groaned, rubbing his face in disbelief at the erotic sight before him.

You slowly made your way back up to him, kissing his thighs, his stomach, his chest. You fully sat up, your soaking folds rubbed against the length of his hardened cock.

Rafael looked up at you, his eyes heavy with lust. You took his hands and placed them on your breasts, encouraging him. Rafael squeezed your breasts, bringing them together before using thumbs to rub them over your hardened nipples. You groaned before you lifted up slightly. You reached down to guide him into you and paused.

Rafael sensed your hesitation and he gripped your wrist. “Are you okay? Is this okay? We can stop,” he rushed out.

You nodded. “I… just need a minute. Sensory overload.”

Rafael nodded. He sat up fully, so that you were in his lap, your legs wrapped around his waist. He pressed his forehead against yours and you both stayed like that for a minute, both your eyes closed. You felt Rafael’s heart thumping against your chest. You opened your eyes and pressed a small kiss on his lips. “Okay.”

Rafael nodded and you raised your hips, and he helped you guide himself into you. The two of you groaned at the sensation. You felt wonderfully full. You wrapped one arm around Rafael, the other braced his leg for support as you rocked and bounced against his cock.

“You feel so good,” Rafael cried out, as waves of pleasure coursed through him. “Fuck!”

Sounds of skin on skin filled the room. Rafael gripped your back, helping you down on each stroke. “I’m not going to last much longer,” Rafael moaned.

“Give it to me,” you whined. “I need it.”

Rafael brought you down harder, and you bit your lip so hard, you could taste blood. The two of you chased your orgasms. You reached down to rub yourself and Rafael swatted your hand away so that he could stroke your swollen nub. You used your hand that was braced on his thigh to cup his balls and you drew them away from his body. That was Rafael’s undoing and he shouted your name as he stiffened, his eyes squeezed shut as he emptied his load into you. You followed thereafter as Rafael’s rubbing brought you to your precipice and you fell apart, his name on your lips.

You fell slack against Rafael’s neck. You stayed intimately connected to Rafael as you waited to catch your breath.

“Wow,” Rafael panted. You nodded before peeling your sweaty body off to look at him. You gave a small giggle and nodded, your cheeks flushed.

****Four months later***

You huffed out of breath as you waddled down the hall towards Rafael’s office. You thought about all that had happened that had gotten you here.

Cuesta, through some travesty of the justice system, kept his judgeship. The judicial standards commission and inquest found Cuesta was biased and ordered him to take a six month absence from the bench and he had to pay a heavy fine. Cuesta’s cases were further ordered to be looked into. But he could keep his seat. “Judges, protect their own,” Rafael quipped.

You and Rafael continued sleeping with each other. Feelings began to develop on both sides, however. Rafael wished he had the dumb luck of meeting you first. He took it slow with you. You were still working out your grief but you knew Will would have wanted you to be happy.

As you knocked on Rafael’s door, you wistfully wished Will was around to meet his baby. You felt the baby kick in response.

“Come in,” Rafael called out from the other side. As you opened the door, you were greeted with a shower of confetti.

“Surprise!” the room cheered and you felt tears in your eyes as you scanned the room: Amanda, Sonny, Fin, Carmen, and Olivia. You locked eyes with Rafael and grinned.

“¡Felicidades!” Rafael stated, raising a glass full of champagne to you as he walked over to you. He handed you a glass of orange juice and winked.

Rafael led you further in, his hand resting on the small of your back. Fin pulled back a chair for you and you sat down, taking the sight before you. Presents adorned your feet.

“Thank you cariño,” you replied happily, locking eyes with Rafael once more. You stared into his green eyes and your felt your heart skip a beat. You rubbed your stomach, the baby kicked more.

“For you, anything,” Rafael replied.


	10. Chapter 10

Rafael watched you while you and Sonny took turns balancing objects on your belly. Sonny stacked a can of soda next to the plate of cake and cheered when it stayed put. Removing the objects, you let out a hearty laugh.

Amanda walked over to you and Sonny. “Hey mama, how are you feeling?”

You shrugged. “Seven months pregnant. I’m a duplex.”

Amanda nodded sympathetically. “I know that all too well,” she replied. “Barba taking good care of you?”

“He had better be,” Sonny huffed. You didn’t miss the small smile on his face.

“Yeah,” you replied picking at the cake icing. “He’s been great. For someone who is such a work-a-holic, he hasn’t missed one appointment.” You looked over at Rafael who was talking to Olivia. You felt your cheeks pink.

“You know,” Sonny began. “We are here for you every step of the way. Whatever you need - Amanda knows. With Jessie and Billie. And my sister and my nieces. If diaper changing was an Olympic sort, I’d have the gold.”

Amanda laughed. “He’s not wrong. He is freakishly fast at diaper changes.” Amanda looked at Barba and back at you. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Whatever you need. We got you. And if Barba doesn’t come through, we’ll kick his ass.”

You rolled your eyes, smiling. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Sonny pulled you into a tight embrace.

“Sonny, you’re pushing the baby into my bladder,” you groaned into the embrace. Sonny let go of you quickly, his ears turning bright red.

Liv’s phone rang and she excused herself. A minute later she came in. “Guys we gotta go; a rape just came through.” She looked over at you, with an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry we have to cut the party short.”

“Duty calls,” you acknowledged.

Liv looked at the gifts that overtook Rafael’s office. “Sorry for the mess Rafa.”

Rafael waved her off, sipping on a cup of coffee.

The detectives all said their goodbyes, accompanied with hugs. Soon the office was empty save you and Rafael.

You waddled over to Rafael’s couch and gently lowered yourself onto the low seat, one hand braced onto the arm, the other on your stomach. “Thank you for the shower Rafael. You didn’t have to.”

Rafael accompanied you on the couch, rolling up his sleeves in the process. He pulled you close to him, and you rested your head on his shoulder.

“I wanted to. I meant what I said. For you, anything.” Rafael shifted, so he could wrap his arm around you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead. He cleared his thought. “I had Carmen clear my day. Now that the party is over, what do you want to do?”

You looked up at Rafael. “Really?”

***

Back at Rafael’s apartment, you moaned as Rafael’s tongue danced between your folds, your juices running down his face. His tongue took a long swipe up and down your slit before he slipped a digit inside you. Purposefully he slowly and teasingly pumped his finger in and out of you, a smirk spreading on his face. You gripped the sheets, your belly too big and in the way to try to reach him. Rafael paused his actions, stopping to give you a love bite before resuming his ministrations.

You choked back a sob. “I am going to cum.”

Rafael dove harder into your folds, the pressure sending waves of pleasure through your body. Rafael sucked on your clit while he slipped two fingers inside you. He curved his fingers and stroked your sweet spot and it was your undoing. “Oh that’s heaven,” you moaned as your walls fluttered around his fingers.

“Cum for me darling,” Rafael encouraged. You wailed as you obliged his request. Rafael relished in your juices coating his face. He gave you a few soft swipes; it was all too much as you came down. Rafael stood, watching you come back to reality. You looked at him with heavy lidded eyes and he made a big show of sucking his fingers clean.

“Enjoy yourself?” he asked teasingly.

You scrunched your nose at him. “C’mere,” you crooked your finger at him. The bed dipped with Rafael’s weight and he encouraged you to roll onto your side. His chest to your back, he spooned you. You lifted your leg, and Rafael guided himself into you. You closed your eyes at the feeling of him stretching you. He was bigger than Will ever was and you felt pleasantly full. Rafael pressed a kiss onto the nape of your neck and he hooked your leg around him, so that he could rock in and out of you. You braced yourself on your forearm and Rafael slipped his arms through so he could play with your breasts while he made love to you.

Your head fell forward, your hair almost covering your face. “Fuck,” you whined. “Oh God.”

“Mmmm, I know,” Rafael groaned. He pinched your nipples and you arched your back in response.

Rafael’s thrusts were soft and deliberate. “You’re unbelievably beautiful,” he crooned.

“I… don’t stop,” you moaned. You reached down to your swollen folds to rub your clitoris and your fingers brushed his length as he stroked you. It was too much and you came, moaning Rafael’s name. Rafael followed soon thereafter, his hips stiffening against you, your name on his lips as he emptied into you.

Rafael gently unhooked your leg, and pressing a kiss on your shoulder, removed himself from you. You whimpered at the loss before shifting your self to face him.

You stared at Rafael and smiled. “That was amazing.”

Rafael looked at you intently. He opened his mouth to speak but paused. He took a deep breath. “I love you.”

Your smile faltered, stunned. “I… I… what?”

Rafael furrowed his brow and he sat fully up. You slowly shifted up, bracing yourself on the giant pregnancy pillow that took up the entire bed.

“I love you. I think about the first time we met at the park all the time. I can’t believe how you came into my life. You don’t have to say it back. I know this is a lot.”

You felt your face grow hot and you burst into tears. As sobs racked your body, Rafael stared at you momentarily stunned.

“Hey, hey… I mean it. You don’t have to say it back,” Rafael replied, pulling you into his arms.

You looked up at him. Rafael’s green eyes shone with concern. “This was not how it was supposed to go.”

Rafael furrowed his brows. “I know,” he admitted. Rafael reached over and wiped away a stray tear that ran down your cheek.

“I wish I had met you first,” Rafael confessed. “I meant what I said; I think about that first time we met at the park all of the time. You have no idea. I lost faith in God awhile back. Doing the work I do…,” Rafael trailed off. “I isolated my heart for so long. I was in love once before. Not like you … with Will,” he continued. “It was like you and I were meant to be. I just hate that you had to hurt first.”

You sniffled and stood fully up. Grabbing the sheet you tucked it around yourself. “Excuse me,” you mumbled. Not another word was said between you as you ducked into the bathroom.


	11. Chapter 11

“Barba said he loves you?! What did you say?” Amanda asked asked as you poured her a cup of coffee.

“Not only did he say he loved me, he professed it. He said he hadn’t experienced love like mine before. And that we’re meant to be,” you replied, throwing your arms in the air.

“Awww, that’s so sweet,” Amanda gushed. Seeing the stoic look on your face, she nodded sternly at you. “I get how that can be much.”

You sighed. You walked over to the box of donuts that you had purchased earlier and took a glazed donut out before tossing the rest of the box in Amanda’s direction.

“I think I love him too Amanda,” you admitted while picking at the donut.

“So tell him that,” Amanda replied. “You know from first hand experience that tomorrow is never promised.” You scowled and Amanda cringed. “I’m sorry. But it’s the truth.”

You tore off a piece of the donut and popped it in your mouth. “You’re not wrong,” you chewed. “But can it really be? Will has only been dead not even a year.”

Amanda didn’t respond. You walked over to the bookcase in your living room and pulled your wedding album from the shelf. You began to flip through it as you walked back over.

“Will was the best. He was so good at his job. He loved being a lawyer. And he was a great husband. Don’t get me wrong, we had our moments. But he was my best friend,” you explained. “I didn’t think he would be murdered. I didn’t expect to get pregnant and I certainly didn’t expect to fall in love with, technically, my boss.”

Amanda took the album from you and leafed through it. She stopped at a picture of you and Will dancing at the reception. She looked at you and then the picture again. “You gotta talk to him,” she admitted, her accent twinged. “And I don’t mean Barba.”

***

You walked over to the park, where you first encountered Rafael. It was near dusk, and the park was empty. You toyed with Will’s wedding band that hung on your chain. You laid your hands on your belly, feeling the baby kick.

Taking a deep breath, you looked around to make sure you were truly alone. Then you spoke. “Will, my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone. I never knew such all consuming pain. I took our life, our love for granted. All of our plans for the future - gone in an instant. But you’re with me - with this baby.

You paused, feeling a lump form in your throat. “I love you. I will always love you.“

A small glimmer of light caught your eye. A lightening bug had descended onto the park. Seeing it as a sign, you continued. “Will, you’d love Rafael. If you were alive, you and him would be fast friends, save for him being a Yankee fan and taste for dirty dogs. But he’s good man. And he loves me. I just didn’t think I would fall in love again so soon.”

You took another deep breath. “I’ve got to move on.”

***

Your phone buzzed. You looked at the incoming text message.

[Rafael, 7:54 am]: Can we talk? Please don’t shut me out.

“Ma’am, you need to turn your phone off.” You looked at the flight attendant and nodded.

Quickly, you replied to Rafael: “We will. I promise.”

You put your phone on plane mode and slipped on your headphones, and turned on your music.

Three hours later, you were back in Chicago. A brunette woman met you at arrivals. Her eyes widened at the sight of you. You made your way over to her and smiled.

“Hi Alicia,” you smiled. “It’s good to see you.”

“Y/N! Oh my God! Look at you,” Alicia greeted. “I had no idea you were pregnant.”

“Wasn’t really sharing,” you cocked your head. “I mean, Audrey and Sara know,” you admitted referring to your former sister-in-laws.

“How are you feeling? Do you really want to do this?” Alicia asked, genuinely concerned.

You nodded. “I do.”

****

You sat at the table with Alicia, waiting. Your bounced your leg, anxious. Alicia grabbed your hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “It’s going to be okay,” she replied softly.

The door buzzed, and Alicia stood as Jeffrey Grant, the man who murdered Will shuffled in with an armed guard.

“Mr. Grant, thank you for meeting with me. With us,” Alicia continued. “This is—.”

Jeffrey looked at you, his eyes full with shame. “I killed your husband Will.”

“Demonstrating guilt and remorse to ease your conscious?” you hissed.

“No ma’am,” Jeffrey replied, looking down at the floor, shifting in his seat.

“I know all about you,” you continued. “And I promised myself you would never get parole. Ever. But I’ve realized that if I fixate on you, I will disappear. My whole life will have become about my husband’s killer. And I have a baby on the way - Will’s baby. And I can’t let that happen. And Will loved me with everything that he had, so I know that he’d be mad if I did that to myself. To this baby. So I have to let it go.“

Shakily you stood up, and headed for the door. Alicia followed behind you. You reached for the door, but paused turning back to Jeffrey. “I have to forgive you somehow. You took a life. You needed to know how much that life meant to everyone who knew him.”

***

Back at the airport, you hugged Alicia. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“Of course,” Alicia replied giving you a hug. “You take care of yourself. Send me pictures of that baby!”

“I will,” you replied. You gave her a small wave before handing your ticket to the agent.

And back to New York you went.


	12. Chapter 12

You were back in New York in no time. You hailed a cab back to Manhattan proper. The city’s skyline came into view and you you smiled. You felt lighter, more clear. It was a Friday afternoon and you knew Rafael would be working. Opening your phone, you texted Carmen inquiring as to Rafael’s calendar.

Carmen texted that Rafael was in court all day but that he would be back around 5. You texted her back, stating you’d be by a little before then.

Back at your apartment, you freshened up, taking the time to do your makeup and fix your hair. It was unseasonably hot, so you settled on a lilac bodycon maternity dress that had short sleeves and a gathered twist front detail at the front waist. You paired it with grey ankle wrap strappy flat sandals and small hoop earrings.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you gave yourself a once over. You unclasped the necklace with Will’s band. You pressed the ring to your lips, before placing it in your drawer.

You looked at the time, and you headed out to One Hogan Place. Waddling over to security, you flashed your badge and made your way towards Rafael’s office. You knocked gently and poked your head in. Carmen gave you a smile which quickly faltered. “He’s in a mood. There was a mistrial,” she warned.

“When is he not in a mood?” you asked teasingly and Carmen chuckled.

You rapped gently on Rafael’s door, before poking your head in.

“Carmen, I said no interruptions,” Rafael barked, not looking up from his keyboard. You cleared your throat and Rafael looked up, startled to see you.

“Y/N. What are you doing here?” Rafael stood. His sleeves were rolled up, and his suspenders were hanging off his waist. His voice was weary and his face matched. “Are you ok? Is everything okay with the baby?”

Your heart pounded in your chest. The baby must have felt your anxiety because it also did flips in your belly. You rubbed a sore spot that the baby was found of kicking repeatedly.

You walked over to him, and took his hands, leading him away from his desk. You ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair, before landing on his cheek. Rafael grasped your hand and turned his face to press a kiss into your palm.

“I was thinking about what you said to me - when we were in bed,” you began. “You have to understand that -“

“I told you it’s okay if you can’t say that back - if you don’t feel that way,” Rafael began. You pressed a finger to his lips and shushed him.

“Let me finish, please,” you requested and Rafael nodded, complying.

You took a deep breath. “Will has only been gone for a short time. When I came to New York, imagine my luck that I would happen to meet you - and I would get a job so quickly. Never mind, falling in love again. And it’s terrifying. I have this baby coming and it’s not fair that Will doesn’t get to be a dad. He doesn’t get to meet this baby and this baby doesn’t get to meet someone his dad who was such a force,” you spilled out.

Rafael pushed a strand hair out of your face. “I would never want to replace Will. I don’t even think you’d allow it, if I even dared to try.”

You chuckled. Closing the gap between the two of you, you wrapped your arms around him and allowed him to embrace you.

“Did you say you were falling in love again?” Rafael asked, his heart leaping. He had hoped his ears weren’t deceiving him.

You looked up at Rafael and nodded. “Yes, I am in love with you Rafael Barba.”

In response, Rafael tilted your face to him, and kissed you. His tongue traced your bottom lip before gently prodding your mouth open. You let out a sigh of contentedness as your tongues dueled. You lost yourself in the passion of the kiss - having been apart a few days had done a number on the both of you. You nibbled on his bottom lip, to which Rafael let out a guttural groan.

Hesitantly you broke the kiss. “Want to get out of here?”

Rafael nodded. “Are you hungry? Want to grab dinner?”

“Rafael, I am 7 months pregnant. Of course I am hungry,” you replied. “Forlini’s?” Rafael suggested and you nodded. Hand in hand, you walked out out of One Hogan Place.

The restaurant was fairly busy but Rafael has no trouble getting a table. You squeezed Rafael’s thigh as you placed your order. Rafael looked over at you and smiled.

*****

Two and a half months later…

Rafael wiped your brow as sweat dripped down your face. Your contractions were a minute long and four minutes apart. You groaned as another one hit. You leaned over the hospital bed and Rafael rubbed your back.

“I can’t do this,” you gritted through clenched teeth. “I can’t. This baby doesn’t want to come.”

“Y/N, you’re the strongest person I know. Of course you can,” Rafael replied. “Come on,” he helped you off the bed and had you drape your arms around him. You leaned into Rafael. As another contraction hit, the two of you slow danced through it, and you found that it helped alleviate some of the pain.

You felt a pop and the gush of warm liquid down your legs. You both looked down at the floor. “I ruined your shoes,” you whispered horrified.

“I can always buy new shoes. Now let’s get you on the bed and I’ll get the nurse,” Rafael replied. After helping you onto the bed, Rafael turned to leave but you grabbed his hand stopping him. Rafael gave you a quizzical look. You smiled at him, your eyes tearing. “We’re having a baby.”

Rafael nodded and gave you a toothy grin. “Yes, we are.”

****

Sonny paced around the waiting room, anxious. “It’s been hours. Shouldn’t she have had the baby by now?”

Amanda rolled her eyes as she put down the magazine she was reading. “These things take time Carisi. I am sure as soon as the baby is here, Barba will tell us. Now sit down, you’re making me dizzy.”

Sonny shot Amanda a look while Fin began inhaling the cigars he brought. Sonny looked at him. “Are those real Cubans? Where did you even get those?”

“What? I figured the occasion called for it. A Cubano for the Cubano,” Fin chuckled.

Liv threw her hands in the air. “I am not even going to pretend I noticed. I am going to go call Lucy and see how the kids are doing.”

At that moment, Rafael came out, dressed in scrubs. The SVU squad stared at him, all collectively holding their breaths.

Rafael smiled. “It’s a girl! We have a girl!”

The squad cheered and each took their turns hugging Rafael. “How’s Y/N doing?” Liv asked, eyeing the scrubs.

Rafael turned serious. “Baby’s heart decelerated and she had to have a c-section. But she’s in recovery now and she’s doing great. The baby is getting checked out but she’s strong - like her mama.”

“We have a name?” Fin asked, passing a cigar to Sonny. Amanda reached over and snatched it.

“Evangelina - Lina, for short,” Rafael smiled. “I gotta go back. I’ll come back as soon as you can all go see her.”

****

After a couple of days in the hospital, you were discharged. You took to the “sleep when baby sleeps” advice, but you were still exhausted from major surgery and nursing around the clock. You looked at the clock and saw it read 3:40 A.M. - the spot beside you was empty and Lena wasn’t in her bassinet. You winced sitting up and braced a pillow against your incision as you stood.

Your apartment had floor to ceiling windows and you found Rafael in the living room, with Lena pointing out the moon and stars.

He cooed at the brown haired newborn, gently rocking her in his outstretched arms. You braced yourself against the hallway arch and smiled. You could barely make out the lullaby that Rafael was singing:

Duermete mi niña, duermete mi amor, duermete pedazo de mi corazón. Tu mamá te quiere, tu papá también, todos en la casa te queremos bién.

Rafael looked up and saw you. He pressed a finger to his lips and continued to softly sing:

Esta niña linda que nació de noche quiere que la lleven a pasear en coche. Esta niña linda se quiere dormir y el picaro sueño no quiere venir. Si el sueño no quiere venir por acá a ver ratoncito, a ver donde está.

Your eyes began to tear up and your heart felt incredibly full as Rafael continued singing to your daughter. It was in that moment, you knew you were where you meant to be. Through the darkness, Rafael and Lena were the light. Finally, you were home.

[FIN]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lullaby Rafael sings to Lena is a traditional Spanish lullaby called Duermete mi niña - Sleep my girl (of course it can be for a boy too, mi niño). My mami used to sing this to me and now I sing it to my littles. These aren’t the full lyrics. Those can be found here.
> 
> Sleep My Girl [English]
> 
> Sleep my girl, sleep my love. Sleep piece of my heart. Your Mother loves you, your Father too, everyone in the household loves you well.
> 
> This pretty girl who was born during the day wants to go to the pastry shop. This pretty girl who was born at night wants to go for a carriage ride. This pretty girl wants to go to sleep, and mischievous sleep doesn’t want to come. If Sleep doesn’t want to come here, go little mouse to see where he is.


End file.
